Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
