Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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