He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
