he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
