He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
