Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
