These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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