I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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