I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
