Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
