left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
