I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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