Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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