That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
