Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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