the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
