It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize