high people should be assigned attendants
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
