Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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