John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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