He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
