Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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