I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
