he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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