I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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