He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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