That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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