I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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