his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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