I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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