Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize