pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
