I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
