Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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