ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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