You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
