she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
