My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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