no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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Every concussion has its silver lining
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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