Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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