I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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