u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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