yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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