I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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