o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So much rum. So many feels.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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