Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
