highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
