All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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