it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
