so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
