I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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