You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize