you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Are my feet made of real feet?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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