I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
