There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
