I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
