1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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