it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
