Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
His nipple licking is glorious
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