So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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