The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
