so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
